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cherie
 #1 
Hi all, glad to see the board back up and running. Well, I wrote on this board several weeks ago not too long after my T started. I am now almost at 2 months with no change in the T.
It's been really, really tough, and I've thought many times about a lot of you here who are going through the same thing. I've reached a point where my stomach knots and anxiety is diminishing but still comes back with a vengance sometimes building up to crying suicidal meltdowns for a couple hours every few days  (still breastfeeding to decrease the guilt factor associated with weaning right now, so still not on anti-anxiety meds). If I can get through a day without crying it is better. I started doing TRT excersizes every day. Feeling some hope that this will work for me and still having a small hope that someday I will wake up and this will be completely gone.
I've got a lot of stuff going on that would usually cause a ton of stress (husband may loose his new job soon after being out of work for 7 months already, possibility of moving to a new city if the job sticks, In-law problems... you name it) but the funny thing is, I don't even care about all of this. I don't stress at all about it. All of this will change someday...and we will have jobs and our own place and a car and I will have my independance and friends again... I know this will happen... It will ALL change.... I just am worried about one thing... the one thing thats NOT changing. This tinnitus. I just want to get better. I just want it to go away.
Thinking of maybe trying to get an appt at the TRT center in London, but I hear TRT is expensive.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent here.
Cherie

DrNagler
 #2 
Hi Cherie -

Good to see again, but I'm sorry to read that things have not improved much for you since last you were here.

Let me ask you a couple of questions based upon your post.

1.  You say that you have started doing TRT exercises daily and that you have some hope that they will work for you.  What exactly do you mean by "work for you?"  In other words, what is the specific goal that you have in mind with respect to the exercises?

2.  You wrote, "I just want to get better."  Can you see any way possibly that that can occur if your tinnitus remains the same?

These questions are not as simple as they might seem at first glance.  Please give them a bit of thought.  I'll look forward to reading your responses.

smn
cherie
 #3 
Hi Dr Nagler,
When I say work for me, my ultimate goal is that I don't hear it anymore, though I guess thats probably not going to happen, so maybe I mean to say, "I am not aware of it anymore"or "I am not aware of it anymore most of the time" AND to say that "tinnitus is no longer a problem for me. It's not something I obsess about or even think about every day. It doesn't cause me any anxiety and doesn't prevent me from enjoying life or being in quieter situations where I can hear it" I worry that his may not work for me because of the nature of my tinnitus. It is masked by many everyday sounds (yes, thats a good thing) but when it is not masked it is loud droning or pulsing hum that I even feel as a vibration in my head. It was closely matched at about 77 heartz, which I was told is close to the lower edge of our hearing. So, therefore, I hear it off an on all day, and all morning and evening, while I am in my room (with quiet background noise) with my baby. It's like a switch, its there or its masked. So it just seems to call my attention to it especially when it switches on.
As for the second question, well, I've GOT to get better. I got nowhere else to go but up. I've already seen the darkest, scariest and most depressed days of my life in the past 2 months. I do worry that in a month or so, when I can really say with most certainty, that this is not going to go away, that I may go back to that bad point. But for now, I am dealing ever so slightly better. I haven't cried yet today and it's almost 9pm.  If the tinnitus remains the same, I can see that I will probably continue to grieve for some time, then maybe I will get on with life. I have to. I have a baby. I guess I will continue to look for a therapist around here that speaks english (and doesn't do Frued) Hopefully someday, I'll stop being so sad and jealous when I see other new moms that don't have to deal with t and can enjoy quiet moments with their babies. How this will happen? I guess in time. I hope. I am trying to do things to keep busy, keep my mind from obsessing "is it still there?" I'm knitting, I'm playing with my baby, etc. Trying to reduce my anger and guilt. "why did this happen?" "I hope my baby doesn't have tinnitus now too" (she was exposed to the fire alarm too) Maybe that will happen with therapy, I don't know.
I've never dealt with something this permanent that has such a way of remining myself all the time that I did something stupid and now it's going to be there to remind me every day for the rest of my life probably.
Hope that answers your questions. Thanks for listening, and for your concern.
Cherie

DrNagler
 #4 
Cherie, I just wanted to be sure that you understood clearly that neither TRT exercises nor TRT itself will change your tinnitus in the least.  Success in TRT means that you are aware of your tinnitus less when you are not purposely listening for it ... and when you do happen to be aware of it, your tinnitus causes you less distress.  But the tinnitus itself remains the same.

Incidentally, that's also basically what cognitive behavioral therapy seeks to accomplish.  Same with Neuromonics.

Anyway ... the way I look at it, if my tinnitus remains the same but I am aware of it less and it bothers me less, then I am much better even though my tinnitus is not any better at all.

Would that be an acceptable outcome for you?

smn
cherie
 #5 
Yes, it's acceptable, I mean, what choice do I have in accepting it? otherwise I would be miserable forever (or until the tinnitus goes away). And THAT is not acceptable.
DrNagler
 #6 
Cherie posted:

Yes, it's acceptable, I mean, what choice do I have in accepting it?

...........

Well some people with tinnitus will accept nothing short of a cure - so I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.

Let's go one step further ...

You say that being less aware of your tinnitus and less distressed by it would be acceptable to you.  Would you be satisfied with that outcome?  Would you be pleased with it?

smn
cherie
 #7 
Well, right now, it's hard to say I would be pleased with anything. (except this darned thing going away). As right now, there isn't much that is giving me pleasure in life.
Several people who have done TRT have said they can go days in silence.
I don't know... I guess any improvement in how I feel right now and how much I'm focusing on it would make me happier.

johnny
 #8 
I am SO disappointed! I thought the whole point of TRT was to drive it into the background or away from conciousness. It sounds like a waste of time. I already know 'T's its not gonna kill me and I can hear normally but thats not enough! I want it to fade away, dimminish, reduce, lessen  become a gentil hiss or somthing.

I've tried constantly to give it NO attention or listen to it but THERE IT IS TRYING TO BLOCK OUT EVERYTHING!

ive had T for 5 month, does it get less. ny doct thinks its unlikely to go zway but itd  droneig well its fekin. well it aint fike  better, I jus as freked it I was when it started and nobody realises how  TRUELy Fukin bad it is Its really Sheit. I waking around withit wondering it it hurts some. It hirt me badly for 4 months. Pressue/fullness/popping/tightness/nightmares/dizziness/heart palpatations/ sickness. it offten feels like fluid behind my ear. I can't go out to be with pals as everywhere i go is just to s too noisey. I've acctually not been oy in 6 month coz I'm so worred about boiling my choclear or splitting my ear drum. SO my dr are getting a MRA do for my becas the've seen vastcular abnormailities of some stuff. so I'am waiting for that, the I might look for total silence. its hit hard but I know I've got it for f**kin ever as it showing no signs of leaving me!! ballshact...its all hear. Well I guess it could get worst and it already did. good like eveyones best
DrNagler
 #9 
Cherie posted:

Several people who have done TRT have said they can go days in silence.

............

Do you think they mean that they can go days without hearing their tinnitus even if they try to listen for it ... or that they can go days without being aware of their tinnitus unless they try to listen for it?

smn
johnny
 #10 
Excuse that post for not making much sense I was totally done in! Lack of sleep, zopilcone, prozac etc etc...

I feel brighter today
DrNagler
 #11 
Johnny posted:

I thought the whole point of TRT was to drive it into the background or away from conciousness.

.............

You are correct.  When you are not aware of your tinnitus, it is because your tinnitus has been driven away from consciousness.  In TRT it's called Hp.

..............

I've tried constantly to give it NO attention or listen to it

............

You can't do it by "trying to give it NO attention" in my opinion.  Indeed, that particular strategy is pretty much doomed to fail.  It's like trying not to think of an elephant in pink underwear.  The harder you try, the more vivid the image!

smn

cherie
 #12 
Oh, great, Thanks doc N, Now I got tinnitus AND elephants in pink underwear in my head all day!!!
Well, at least I can still laugh.

DrNagler
 #13 
Cherie posted:

Oh, great, Thanks doc N, Now I got tinnitus AND elephants in pink underwear in my head all day!!!

...........

See.  Ain't ya glad the board's up and running again?? 

smn
Maccy
 #14 
Johnny,

I found the business of "trying to ignore it but not really !" very frustrating. Until a doctor told me quite simply "You cannot ignore something you are telling your brain to ignore" because simply by focusing your attention on the ignoring bit you are thinking about it!! Ha madness isn't it? I have found myself now (6 months down the line) in a position where I don't listen for it, give it a moments thought and can go a few hours at a time without hearing it. In my case it's all down to distraction. Being completely absorbed in something else just makes it fade into the background.  I saw my hearing therapist yesterday and she has told me to look up Dr.Laurence McKenna strategies on distraction techniques. There is something called the "Anchor" which I am going to investigate. Maybe someone has heard of this?

Oh by the way, I got my copy of Tinnitus self management book by Henry and Wilson. Used copy but in very good condition like new.

Have been so upbeat this last couple of weeks I haven't even read any of it yet. But I will because it's good to have on the days that are not so good.

Cheers
Mandy
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